Self-fulfilling Prophecy
Introduction: The "Prophecy" in Misunderstanding
Today, in order to install a printer driver and connect the printer USB, I temporarily unplugged the external camera, causing the computer to automatically call the built-in camera, and its switch state was not very stable. Just started the weekly test, the math teacher called my name and asked me to turn on the camera. It must be that she happened to catch my screen abnormal and did not load out, and like she often does at school, she said that those who were late for class, did not listen carefully, etc. were you few. Every time she said that, my first reaction was convenience, because I had absolutely no lateness or other behavior, and the camera was turned on on time, but every time it was difficult to express, and there were several times because of similar things that I was in a long period of low mood and grievance that was difficult to resolve. Yesterday, I learned about the self-fulfilling prophecy, and I realized that this predicament that has repeatedly tormented me is exactly it, and I was instantly relieved. I can't wait to share it with you, hoping that understanding it can help you reduce the troubles in your life.
What is a self-fulfilling prophecy?
A self-fulfilling prophecy, also known as a "self-fulfilling prophecy," refers to the fact that when people have a certain preconceived expectation about something or someone, their behavior will unknowingly promote this expectation to eventually become a reality. Simply put, a "self-fulfilling prophecy" is a pattern of behavior in which you are eager to prove your innocence when you are misunderstood or accused by others. This behavior seems reasonable, but in fact it will lead you into a never-ending cycle: the more you try to explain, the more likely the other person will not trust you; and you will also spend a lot of time and energy, and even doubt your own value.
Examples of "self-fulfilling prophecies" in life
Case 1: Moral kidnapping
The company issued year-end bonuses, and the mean and刻薄小雪 saw that Xiao Zhang got more money, and went to morally kidnap him: "You got so much, shouldn't you treat everyone to something?" At this time, if Xiao Zhang agrees, he will not only spend money, but also be suppressed in terms of momentum, so there is no need to "prove himself" so much; but if he does not agree, Xiao Xue will definitely say that he is stingy, and Xiao Zhang will rush to say that he invited everyone to drink milk tea last week, and Xiao Xue will once again seize his loophole and say that he is too stingy, and even the mere milk tea is on his lips. Xiao Zhang fell into a typical self-fulfilling prophecy, so no matter which situation, he must be unhappy.
Case 2: Misunderstanding in the workplace
Xiao Li is in charge of an important project in the company, but due to team coordination problems, the progress is slightly delayed. The leader criticized him for his poor work, and Xiao Li immediately began to defend himself: "This is not my fault, it is because other departments delayed the information." However, the leader did not change his attitude because of this, but felt that Xiao Li was shirking responsibility. In the end, Xiao Li not only failed to挽回 his image, but also put himself into anxiety.
Case 3: Family disputes
Mom found a wet patch on the kitchen floor and questioned Xiao Ming, who was washing dishes: "Did you spill water and make it dirty?" Xiao Ming quickly explained: "It wasn't me, it was accidentally spilled when mopping the floor just now!" But Mom was still skeptical, and even added: "Then why didn't you clean it up earlier?" The more Xiao Ming listened, the more angry he became, and finally he simply left.
Why do you fall into a "self-fulfilling prophecy"?
Fear of being denied
We are born with a desire to be recognized, and when others question us, our first reaction is to correct their views in order to maintain our sense of self-worth.
Lack of awareness of boundaries
When faced with accusations from others, we often ignore one point: not everyone's evaluation needs to be responded to. Sometimes, the other person's emotional expression has nothing to do with the facts, it's just that their own problems are projected onto you.
Overly concerned about relationships
Especially in close relationships (such as teachers and students, colleagues, family members), we are afraid of escalating conflicts, so we hope to calm the situation through explanations. But in fact, this approach often backfires.
Preconceived judgments
When we form a fixed view of a person or a situation, we tend to ignore or misinterpret some neutral information, and only see the part that conforms to expectations.
Subtle changes in behavior
This inherent expectation will affect our way of interacting with others. For example, when a teacher has a negative expectation of a student, they may be more strict in the classroom, and even quickly make negative judgments when a minor technical problem occurs.
Confirmation of results
The party being treated negatively may feel wronged, nervous, or resistant, and then show some behaviors that are consistent with the original expectations, which ultimately makes the initial judgment seem to be "verified."
How to jump out of the "self-fulfilling prophecy"
Learn to distinguish between emotions and facts
Many times, what you encounter are unfounded accusations. In school, there are unreasonable and even illegal systems, but anyone with a sense of justice will know that you have not made a mistake, but once the "perpetrator" falls into emotions (even if it's just because they haven't eaten yet), they have no rationality at all, and they will blindly say that you, and will not listen to your explanation, then simply do not explain, anyway, their whole life is only this height. You understand the truth and keep your heart.
Accept that you cannot please everyone
It is impossible for a person to make everyone like you, so there is absolutely no need to waste time with some people who have different levels of cognition. In the past, I often enjoyed arguing with people who had different opinions, but now I have gradually become numb, because there are too many such people, even in reality. Some people's views are almost impossible to change, since he has led you into a self-fulfilling prophecy, obviously this is not a good signal, then why not choose to stay away from it?
Maintain an open mind and reflect on yourself
"What defeats a person is not ignorance, but arrogance." Arrogance is not being able to recognize one's own mistakes, but blindly strengthening one's own correctness, so that one cannot face other people's views, let alone their criticism. Although others criticize us, it may cause us discomfort, but it can also be regarded as an opportunity to improve ourselves. We may wish to actively reflect on whether our behavior has invisibly strengthened some solidified expectations, and make appropriate changes.
Use the following methods to fight back:
- (1) Mirror reflection method:
Taking Case 1 as an example, Xiao Zhang can say, "Then you must be a very generous person, then you can invite everyone to have a cup of coffee!" - (2) Issue resetting method:
Taking my camera as an example, in the face of the accusation of "you few again," you can say: "You seem to have found some patterns, do you need me to help you count the number of abnormal camera times for all students?" - (3) Law of conservation of energy:
Instead of hurting others, it is better to improve yourself. Standing at a higher point in life, you will naturally make them feel ashamed of themselves, and at this time there is no need to argue with them.
Whether expectations can be changed depends on our choices
The self-fulfilling prophecy reminds us that expectations not only affect our cognition, but also invisibly influence our behavior, and even change reality. Today's online class experience, although briefly made me unhappy, also led to this article. Whether as students, teachers, parents, or managers in the workplace, we should all be wary of our own preconceptions and learn to give everyone a fair chance; and as the party affected by expectations, we need to communicate bravely and strive to break those false labels. Only in this way can we truly let objective facts speak for themselves and avoid falling into the "self-fulfilling prophecy" woven by misunderstandings and prejudices.
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